I had always known that we would have kids! We had talked about how we would probably wait to have kids until we were about 5 years into marriage because we really wanted to build a strong foundation in our marriage. I am so thankful for those years of just us, it was so special. I never thought it would work out exactly 5 years into our marriage but I am so glad it turned out that way!
I have always been so completely fearful of labor that anytime the topic of kids came up I just knew I wasn't ready mainly because I was full of fear.
I started to think more about kids and imagining what it would be like to be parents but had no clue where these feelings were coming from. I knew I had always wanted to be a mom but I never really daydreamed about it. One day at church they were doing baby dedications and I got so emotional, it was the first time that I remember thinking "I want a baby" and I told Johnny about it after church. He was shocked and that was the first of many conversations about it. A week later Johnny was like "Ok, let's have a baby" and I was like "Wait, what?! I don't know if I'm ready...How do we know if we are ready? Is that something we decide on?" We had a good long talk about it and prayed...a lot. We kind of concluded it with we need to pray a lot more about this. My heart over the next few weeks started to feel at peace with the idea of being a mom and going through pregnancy/labor. I felt like the Lord was comforting me and allowing me to realize He has equipped me with all I will need to be a mom & He will guide me.
How We Found Out
Well I was on Day 3 of missing my period & I had thought..."hmmm none of the symptoms of getting my period is in sight, am I pregnant?" It was February 3rd on Super Bowl Sunday & I knew we were going to a Super Bowl Party later that evening so I thought to myself well if I am pregnant I definitely don't want to drink so I need to find out before we go. Of course I am thinking all of this during church haha. So we left church & I told Johnny "I think we should pick up a pregnancy test, I'm 3 days late but I'm probably not pregnant but I just want to make sure"...I was already trying to protect my heart in case I wasn't actually pregnant.
I got off birth control in November right around Thanksgiving. We thought it would take awhile for us to get pregnant because I had been on birth control for almost 10 years so we really didn't expect it to happen so quickly. I remember in November when I got my period I was disappointed and was secretly hoping I would be pregnant. So fast forward...
We rushed home to take the pregnancy test. I was extremely nervous and felt like it was so much pressure that I didn't want to be disappointed. So I took the Clear Blue electronic test and went to sit on the couch with Johnny to watch it load together. It shows how its loading and then all of a sudden "Pregnant" pops on the screen!!!!
I was in complete shock! I just bursted into tears and said "Oh My Gosh" probably 20 times. I couldn't believe it...I said "I'm actually pregnant" and was so overwhelmed with emotions that I didn't even know what I was feeling. I was overjoyed, excited, shocked, scared, and in awe!
Johnny was so excited, surprised, and nervous all at the same time. He started laughing and crying at the same time just hugging me. We just stared at each other and the test and laughed.
I had always envisioned that I would tell Johnny as a surprise or in some super cute way where I could film his reaction but I am so beyond thankful that it was a moment that we experienced together. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way!
How Am I Feeling?
Physically: I felt pretty normal. The only symptoms I felt were cramping, lower back pain, sore boobs, and being bloated. I didn't have any cravings or food aversions. My sense of smell was way more heightened.
Emotionally: I was just so happy and excited to be pregnant that I felt like I was on cloud 9!
Physically: I felt awful. I was super nauseous with morning sickness but of course it wasn't just in the morning, it was all day. I had strong food aversions to certain smells. I lost energy and pretty much took a nap whenever I could. I had a much harder time working out during these days and some days the best I could do would be walking Mozzie.
Emotionally: I didn't completely feel like my normal self. I kind of felt like I was in a funk.
Physically: Hallelujah! I am feeling like myself again! The nausea seems to be gone...hopefully!!!
Emotionally: The foggy funk has lifted and I feel like myself again!
Physically: Oh Crap!!! The nausea is back with vengeance. It really isn't just morning sickness, it's afternoon & evening too. My bump has started to show at Week 10, I thought it was bloating from all the carbs but it hasn't gone away so the bump is here to stay! It seems kind of early for a bump but hey I guess the bump has a mind of it's own.
Emotionally: Holding my breathe until our 12week appointment to make sure baby is okay! I'm kind of having a hard time with the bump appearing so early but also excited to look and not just feel pregnant.
Physically: well nausea just sucks, the end. I am still so tired & taking naps when I can! The bump hasn't disappeared & is here to stay! It is really crazy seeing a bump & embracing it!
Emotionally: I feel like I have finally exhaled after our 12week appointment & can allow myself to fully embrace all the changes! I am really excited & somehow feel like my belly growing has made me happy to not have just a weird pooch. I actually feel pregnant now! I think I am finally processing that this is all happening & I am going to be a mom! It really is the most wild thing! I'm just so extremely grateful & happy! I'm thankful for what my body is doing & love this little baby so much already!
First Doctor Appointment
I had my first doctors appointment on February 28th and I was 8 weeks 1 Day at that point. I was so relieved to have this appointment and be able to ask my doctor a million questions and hopefully hear a heartbeat! Well in case anyone is curious about how this first appointment goes I'll give ya the details...first things first they take a pee sample so thankfully I've had to pee a lot already early on into pregnancy so that was no problem! Then we had an ultrasound! (Since it was so early it wasn't on the tummy if you know what I mean) The ultrasound was such a surreal moment and I was in complete awe and shock! I thought I would have cried but I was just so nervous to see if there was actually a baby inside of me with an actual heart beat...and thank God there was!!! We both let out a sigh of relief once we heard the heart beat. It was so fast, at 138! It looked like a little cashew! I was so glad Johnny was there with me to experience it together!
Then came time to ask my doctor all my millions of questions! She was amazing at answering them and reassuring me that this First Trimester is all about being in survival mode! She told me to show myself a lot of grace, listen to my body and what it needs, rest, and to be kind to myself. That growing a human is a lot of hard work! I felt a sense of relief hearing all the information.
Johnny and I celebrated with going to Inn n Out which barely sounded good but thankfully tasted amazing! You know you are having a tough time with nausea when not even a delicious cheeseburger sounds appetizing.
Second Doctor Appointment
I had my second doctor appointment at 12 weeks and hallelujah everything was great with the little babe! We heard the baby's heartbeat & got to see the baby on the ultrasound. It was so surreal seeing how much the baby had grown & how it really looks like a baby now! It was moving like crazy! Then I had to get blood drawn & there is nothing I hate more than getting my blood drawn, I faint every time but thankfully didn't! I have heard this is something I'll need to get used to during pregnancy.
I think this appointment started to make it feel very real after seeing the baby. WE ARE HAVING A BABY!
Photos taken by: @alexandraloraine (You can find her on Instagram!)